You're so nebulous sometimes
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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