She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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