I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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