I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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