Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
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I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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