I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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