i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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