is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
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I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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