I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
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After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
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