i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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