I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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