did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
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Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
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Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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