I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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