Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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