I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize