You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i drank out of a bidet.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize