I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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