Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize