I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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