We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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