Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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