I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
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I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
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You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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