got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
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This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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