You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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