I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
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This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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