Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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