What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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