My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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