its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
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Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize