i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
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we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
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You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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