good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
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Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
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I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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