all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
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The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
What a dumb baby whore.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
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My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I deserve this hangover.
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