if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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