Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
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you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
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So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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