someone threw a dead crab at me
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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