whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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