i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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