i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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