I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
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I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
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Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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