There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
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Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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