that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize