Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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