I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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