i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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