Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
His hands were made for my vagina.
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You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
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I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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