Soap is not a condiment
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
it's like heaven, but drunker
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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