If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
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Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
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The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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