i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
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Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
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I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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