i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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