Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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